The lengths to which cities have gone, or will go, in their bids to attract the second headquarters for Amazon has produced a cottage industry of media coverage. Satire from The Onion follows that trail to its most explosive of possible ends.
Satirical news website The Onion imagines a world were Philadelphia is so confident that Amazon will located its second headquarters in Philadelphia, that it's willing to raze its entire Center City.
Here’s the lede from a fake news article:
Convinced they will win the highly competitive contest to host the e-commerce giant’s new offices, optimistic local officials have preemptively razed Philadelphia’s entire Center City district to make room for Amazon’s second North American headquarters, sources said Thursday.
Unlike the brief format The Onion usually devotes to urbanism-related stories, this article is written like a front-page story, with a fake image of Center City being reduced to rubble by demolitions, pull quotes, and even fake quotes from the likes of the real mayor, Jim Kenney. "After taking a look at the competition and figuring we probably have this thing in the bag, we just went ahead and tore down Center City so Amazon can move right in," says the fake quote from the mayor included in the article. More dandies like that follow. "It was definitely bittersweet saying goodbye to the Liberty Bell before our controlled demolition of Independence Hall, but it’s important we encourage businesses to invest in the city," adds Kenney.
Read to the end for a kicker that everyone, save 237 of the 238 total applicants for Amazon's request for proposals, sees coming.
FULL STORY: Confident Philadelphia Officials Preemptively Raze Center City To Make Room For Amazon Headquarters
Petition Seeks Landmark Status for Philadelphia's Four Seasons
Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Was that not clear?
What About the 218 Left Behind By Amazon?
A CityLab article surveys Twitter for the seven stages of Amazon grief.
Friday Funny: The Onion Imagines a Slightly Sympathetic Jeff Bezos
The Onion is satire, so we'll never know if Jeff Bezos felt sorry for any of the cities wasting time and money on a pitch to win Amazon's second headquarters.
Trump Administration Could Effectively End Housing Voucher Program
Federal officials are eyeing major cuts to the Section 8 program that helps millions of low-income households pay rent.
Planetizen Federal Action Tracker
A weekly monitor of how Trump’s orders and actions are impacting planners and planning in America.
Ken Jennings Launches Transit Web Series
The Jeopardy champ wants you to ride public transit.
Crime Continues to Drop on Philly, San Francisco Transit Systems
SEPTA and BART both saw significant declines in violent crime in the first quarter of 2025.
How South LA Green Spaces Power Community Health and Hope
Green spaces like South L.A. Wetlands Park are helping South Los Angeles residents promote healthy lifestyles, build community, and advocate for improvements that reflect local needs in historically underserved neighborhoods.
Sacramento Plans ‘Quick-Build’ Road Safety Projects
The city wants to accelerate small-scale safety improvements that use low-cost equipment to make an impact at dangerous intersections.
Urban Design for Planners 1: Software Tools
This six-course series explores essential urban design concepts using open source software and equips planners with the tools they need to participate fully in the urban design process.
Planning for Universal Design
Learn the tools for implementing Universal Design in planning regulations.
Heyer Gruel & Associates PA
Ada County Highway District
Institute for Housing and Urban Development Studies (IHS)
City of Grandview
Harvard GSD Executive Education
Toledo-Lucas County Plan Commissions
Salt Lake City
NYU Wagner Graduate School of Public Service