Friday Funny: FEMA's Job Here Is Done

"After an unprecedented 18-month cleanup and repair effort supervised by the Federal Emergency Management Agency and several state and local government bureaus, Undersecretary for Federal Emergency Management R. David Paulison announced Monday that the city of New Orleans has been successfully returned to its pre–Hurricane Katrina state of decay and deterioration."

"'Our job here is done,' said Paulison, who was joined by Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco in a ceremony along the banks of the Industrial Canal. 'Our beloved Big Easy has its soul back. The downtown shops are open and in full violation of code, the nightlife is alive with the sound of violence, and the streets are once again safe for poverty and vice.'"

"The most impressive progress was made in the Ninth Ward, the lowest-lying and most devastated section of New Orleans. Due to severe water and mold damage, the difficult decision was made to gut or tear down a majority of the neighborhood's houses, then laboriously reconstruct them to their previous dilapidated condition seven feet below sea level. Many returning residents, including custodial worker and father of four Stanley Gibson, 41, expressed shock at the success of the rebuilding efforts, saying he 'never dreamed in a million years [he] would be going back to that place.'"

"'Before the storm, I lived paycheck to paycheck in a run-down two-bedroom house,' Gibson said. 'I never thought I'd see that house again, but here it is-same sagging roof, compromised foundation and everything. Someone even found my car and put a quarter of a tank of gas back in it.'"